Saving Deth
by Ranekaera
Summary: This is one of those "this fic is too good so I'm not going to give you a succinct summary" fics. Skwisgaar gets his guitar hand a bit...er damaged and the band has to hurry and find a replacement or bust. Inspired in part by purpleleemer CHAP 12 IS UP!
1. No holiday is complete without a brawl

Hey, remember, in my other newest story, I told you I was working on another fic at the same time? Well, this is that fic. MANY THANKS TO: purpleleemer for letting me borrow the idea of Skwisgaar breaking his hand and being in need of a replacement. I repeat, that particular idea was not mine, give praise and worship purpleleemer for that one. She also gives me very nice reviews.

On with the fic!

REVIEW!

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The band was, at the moment, not playing music at all. This close to the winter holidays, no way were they playing. Besides. Their albums traditionally came out round Halloween.

No, this close to the winter holidays, they were getting drunk. And getting drunk was something Skwisgaar Skwigelf did alright.

He joined Murderface on top of the meeting table and began strip dancing, singing the lyrics to a popular Swedish song from when he was a child. He knew he wouldn't remember any of this in the morning. So why not have his fun now?

He had just gotten his shirt off and was starting to undo his belt when Charles Foster Ofdensen walked into the room. Murderface immediately chucked an empty beer bottle at him, which he dodged.

"May I remind you that while you don't have any albums due as of yet, you do have a Holiday tour to do in Europe!" he said loudly so he would be heard over Skwisgaar's singing, which was slurred and badly out of tune.

He got his belt off and began working on the zipper, all the while singing at the top of his lungs, "_träda in min hus och äta middag i min sal och har en glad semester_...".

"Aw, who cares abouts dats? We's jest havins fun!" yelled Toki Wartooth. As he spoke, he guzzled another few sips of the alcohol he was holding.

"Hey, Swisgaar, you mind? Why do you always sing in Swedish, anyways? It's fucking irritating!" yelled the lead singer of Dethklok, Nathan Explosion.

"I'ms from Sweden, douchebag!" he yelled in English this time. Now he wore nothing but his thong, which he had only worn that day because he had been hoping to do a few ladies, but no go. The snow was preventing the murdercycle from use and the bus kept getting stuck, so they had been snowed in. God, he hated snow. He got enough of that in Sweden!

Nonetheless, he hopped down off the table and sat in a chair, his bare bottom sticking to the cold chair.

"_Jævla Svenske,"_ said Toki, guzzling the last of his bottle. He was quite drunk.

Swedish understood what he was saying and exploded, throwing a beer bottle at the Norde as hard as he could. Unfortunately, his aim was way off. It hit Nathan instead.

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

The lead singer jumped out of his chair and across the table so fast that Skwisgaar didn't see it.

He felt like he had been clubbed over the head with a train. Nathan Explosion was no pixie in weight class.

Even though he was half naked, Nathan was pummeling every inch of the Swede that he could reach and Skwisgaar fought back valiantly, writhing like a live wire and trying to get out from under his massive bulk.

Someone pulled him off and Skwisgaar wiped the blood from his split lip, glaring at the man as best as he could. At the moment, however, he appeared to have three faces.

Skwisgaar bent over and vomited.

"_Sa du_. _Jævla_ _svenske ikke gjør det vite ikke noe om drikker,"_ muttered Toki, getting to his feet and swaying on the spot. This was the drunkest anyone had ever seen him. He, above all the others, hated the winter holidays. He therefor got the most drunk.

"You takes dat back, you _kuksugare!_" Skwisgaar screamed at him, and this time he launched himself at Toki. Toki was lithe and in shape. He was also muscular. He was pounding the hell out of the thinner man.

Skwisgaar jammed his fingers into the corners of the rythm guitarist's mouth and Toki bit down on them viciously, drawing blood and biting clean to the bone.

Howling in agony, Skwisgaar withdrew his fingers and shoved his knuckles into his eye, followed by a vilent hair tug. His left hand bleeding and ragged, he could only fight with his right now.

"What are you doing, stop!" someone yelled.

"Go Skwisgaar! Beat his ass!" called Pickles, the drummer.

"Gets him off ofs me! He's crazy!" Toki was yelling. His lip was bleeding and his eye was already blackening.

Strong hands pulled Skwisgaar off of the shorter man and he stood there, breathing heavily. For a moment, he didn't even feel the dull, throbbing ache in his left hand.

Someone furiously threw a shirt and a pair of pants at him and he caught them numbly, getting blood all over them. He examined his bitten hand, not really comprehending the fact that he couldn't bend his fingers. He saw yellowish bone and a lot of blood. Too much blood, in fact.

"Hey, lookit dat, dat's totally metal, right here, look at all se blood," he said, holding his hand up for all to see.

There was silence from everyone, including Toki, who had Skwisgaar's blood smeared around his mouth and lips. He looked like some obscene vampire.

Charles Ofdensen examined the ruined fingers and sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Congratulations...er. Skwisgaar. You'll have to go to the infirmary and get your hand wrapped. We'll have to cancel the winter shows."

Silence again, until Nathan understood. He was amazingly lucid when he was drunk.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

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please review!!! For any who want translations, here you go. I got these awesome site...well, one awesome site from purpleleemer. The other one kepy negating the words I was trying to translate, but I found another.

_träda in min hus och äta middag i min sal och har en glad semester _literally translaed, it is "come into mine cottage and dine in mine hall and have a jolly holiday"

_Sa du_. _Jævla_ _svenske ikke gjør det vite ikke noe om drikker--_ told you. Fucking swedish don't know nothing about drinking

_kuksugare--_Swedish for "cocksucker:"

PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	2. Broadcast

Hey, this is chapter two... lalalalala la la laa la la alaaaa... doodly ding dong doodle... review

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Once he had his hand wrapped, Skwisgaar went down to the other meeting room to meet his other bandmates. They were all considerably calmer now. Toki's eye had blackened nicely and he had wiped the blood off his mouth. He was still drunk.

Nathan swiped the rythm guitarists bottle and said, "you're drunk enough Toki."

"Heeey!"

Skwisgaar took a seat after pulling his clothes back on and Charles Ofdensen shuffled some papers and cleared his throat.

"I've done some calculations and it appears that we may not have to cancel the Holiday tour in Europe. If you can find a replacement for Skwisgaar, temporarily-"

"Whats?!? Now WAYS! Dat's ideas is dildoes! Replacements for mes? No! I won't dos it!?" he interrupted him.

There was silence for a moment. Ofdensen glared at the lead guitarist and then at his wrapped hand. Blood was still seeping through. It hurt like a motherfucker now. Deep down he knew Ofdensen was right, but he had a reputation to uphold, dammit! He was the fastest guitarist alive! He couldn't have some lesser player replace him and ruin that, no way!

"As I was saying, if we can find a decent replacement for Skwisgaar just until his hand heals enough, we can proceed with the Holiday tour as planned. Now. That would mean we have to hold auditions... do any of you know anyone? This would go a lot faster if we could just skip the auditions," said Charles.

"I don'ts knows anyone," said Skwisgaar reluctantly.

"Me either," said Nathan.

Pickles belched and swayed drunkenly in his chair.

"Nope."

Ofdensen sighed.

"Fine. I will alert the media. We are in need of another guitarist."

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"And it's official, Dethklok, the internatrionally famous metal band, is in need of a replacement lead guitarist! Auditions will be held at Mordhaus, all those who think they're qualified should report to the front doors tomorrow morning. I must say, Frank, this should be a -"

She shut the TV off.

She sat back on her raggeed twin sized bed and sighed. She loved Dethklok, and she _could_ play guitar fairly well.

She flipped her platinum white- blonde hair off her shoulder and sighed. Her hair went down to her wiast and was slightly wavy and her blue eyes were two different shades. With her milk pale skin, she almost looked albino.

She got to her feet and began pacing, a habit she had had since she was a child.

She lived in Nebraska temporarily. She was visiting the States on a work visa. She lived in a shabby rundown apartment near a place called Beaver Creek and it was desolate.

She stopped her pacing and decided now was the time, if there ever was a time. She had to know for sure.

She grabbed her gig bag and her wallet and left the apartment.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!!


	3. Auditions

Ever wonder who the girl from chapter 2 is and why or what she's talking about? Read on to find out!

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They started holding the auditions as soon as they woke up the next morning.

Dethklok and Charles Ofdensen stood behind the glass and listened as fan after fan attempted to do one of Skwisgaar's solos and each and every one of them failed miserably. Skwisgaar had even shouted at three or four people, resulting in one breaking down in tears.

Midway through, they took a break and Skwisgaar sat on thee dge of the couch and put his head between his knees.

"Dis is dildoes. Dis is hopeless! No one scans plays de guitar as gooders as me!" he groaned.

Ofdensen brought him his hourly pain pills and a glass of juice and Skwisgaar grudgingly swallowed them, hoping the pounding in his lacerated left hand would abate.

The band went at it again and Skwisgaar was pleased to see that the line outside had dwindled considerably. They must have gone through hundreds of auditions so far and no one made the cut.

They sat and listened as one guy came in with an entire band. The guy was a smartass, in Skwisgaar's opinion and he disliked him on site.

Once they started playing, though, the band got together.

"Dese guys are good," said Pickles in a whisper.

"Dat guys on de guitars is dildos, what are yous talkings abouts?" protested Skwisgaar.

"Yeah, he is crap, but the other guitarisht though..." said Murderface, and Skwisgaar laughed. The other guitarist sounded as if he was trying to play the guitar with broken fingers. Horrible and screechy.

"Stand over dere, we'll consider you when auditions are over," said Pickels aloud and the band looked delighted.

"We was lookings for replacements guitars, nots a whole band. Idiots," muttered Skwisgaar, glaring at the band.

"Next!" said Nathan.

Through the door, two roadies escorted a young looking girl in. She was pretty, with a heart shaped face and an angular jaw, milk pale skin and white-blonde hair that reached her waist. She was dressed in black and carried a gig bag.

"No ones unders eighteens, little girls," said Skwisgaar, his arms folded.

The girl turned to them and unzipped her gig bag, taking out a guitar that made Skwisgaar want to drool.

"I is eightkeens," she said in a deep voice. Her accent matched Skwisgar's to a T. As they later learned, her english was far worse.

"Pfft. Dildoes," muttered Skwisgaar.

"Name?" said Ofdensen.

The girl clutched her guitar and flung the strap over her shoulder. It was made of chain and nothing more. The guitar was roughly the same shape as his, but it was brilliant flame orange and yellow, with extra spikes at rough points. The headstock was shaped like two bolts of lightning and he had never fallen in love with a guitar before but oh, that thing was sweet.

She stepped into the studio and Nathan pushed the button that would play Toki's rythm guitar. The audition'ees were expected to play Skwisgaar's olos along with the recording.

To their surprise, the girl began shredding like never before, adding a couple notes here and there as well as playing a perfect solo. She was _fast_. Her fingers flew over the frets like liquid lightning, which was exactly what her guitar looked like.

"Stop, stop!" said Skwisgaar. He had heard enough. Better this little girl than the dildo band that had showed up earlier. She was decent enough, he supposed. The only reason he picked on Toki's guitar skills, he supposed, was because if Toki's self esteem got so good that he started believing he was as good as him, he might steal the spotlight and Skwisgaar would become useless. He had his reputation to keep. His behavior towards his companion guitarist was only to keep him in line.

She stopped playing and looked at them expectedly and Skwisgaar's mind reeled. Her face... something in the girl's face jolted his memory, 16 or 17 years back. Her eyes... well, the left one anyway. That particular shade of blue reminded him of his old girlfriend, the only girlfriend he had ever had. He would swear that the blue of her other eye reminded him of what he saw whenever he looked in a mirror.

"Mine names is Skwiska Skwigelf. Mys friends calls mes Skwishy," she said, and she blulshed pink at this, faintly embarassed.

"Whoa! Wait, Skwigelf???" said Nathan.

Skwisgaar had heard more than enough. Memories of his old girlfriend and old phone calls in which she had babbled incoherantly came back to him and he just stared at this girl who said her name was Skwigelf... And her first name, so similar to his.

But enough. He would need proof first. He knew from experience with Fatty Ding Dongs that father- hood was no easy task.

She came out of the studio and packed her guitar back into her gig bag, zipping it up once more. She then pulled her long wavy hair over one shoulder and stood there, waiting. She stared in particular at Skwisgaar.

"So?" she said finally.

"So what? You get the part by a landslide. Sorry guys. Beat it," said Pickles and the other band straggled out, looking defeaetd.

"You guys are a bunch of pussies anyway. We can find better," muttered the guy on the lead guitar.

It happened so fast that no one saw it.

Skwiska Skwigelf, aka Skwishy, lashed out with one elbow and smashed the man's face in, drawing blood. She glared at him.

"_Du lov dem ensam , du två möta __rövhål!" _She growled. The roadies ushered the bleeding man out after his own band and they all stared at the newest replacement for Dethklok's lead guitarist. Her face when angry reminded Skwisgar of himself. There was no doubt in his mind.

Skweiska Skwigelf must be his daughter.

"Oh, god."

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DUN DUN DUUN... please review!!!! I decided to do away with a DNA test, since that would be skating a bit too close to Purpleleemer, so I decided to give her similar facial expressions instead. So there's no doubt. Keep reading!!

The swedish in this chapter... Skwiska says "You leave them alone you two faced asshole"


	4. Discussions

I'm jumping right into this.

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Skwisgaar gave the roadies orders to take the girl into a spare bedroom and he and the band put their heads together.

"Skwisgar, your fasch just then was like... you look like you sheen a ghosht! Who ish that girl?" demanded Murderface.

Skwisgaar choked for a moment. He had to tell them. There was no way they would remain in the dark forever, she looked too much like him.

"I sink she's beautiful, whoevers she is," said Toki dreamily. Skwisgaar clenched his fists and remembered that his left hand couldn't clench very well.

"I tink shes is ... my daughter," said Skwisgaar.

Every single one of them stared at him as if he had grown two extra heads.

"Your _daughter_? You never told ush you had kidsh," said Murderface, his eyes wide and his face skeptical.

"I didn't knows, okays! My old girlfriends never tolds me," he admitted.

"You actually had a girlfriend. Huh. That's wierd," said Nathan.

"Yea, and all thish time we jusht thought you were a manwhore," said Murderface. Skwisgaar sucker punched him with his good hand. Toki laughed.

"I had a girlfriends back befores I starteds in Dethklok. She never tolds me I's had a kid," said Skwisgaar.

"How do you know she's even yours?" asked Ofdensen sleptically.

Skwisgaar shot the man a glare.

"She looks exaktly likes me and sometimes likes her. She's gots my hair," he said, feeling slightly embarassed.

"I thought you went for blondesh too, how do you know she hash your hair?" said Murderface.

Feeling thouroughly aggravated now, Skwisgaar sighed.

"Because my old girlfriends has black hairs!" he said angrily. Honestly, were these guys all dildoes?

"Oh."

There was silence for a moment. Then Toki spoke up.

"She's stills pretty. Is would totally dos her."

Skwisgaar took the liberty of his first action as a father and sucker punched the rythm guitarist.

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PLease review!!


	5. A very angry phone call

Hey, there's going to be a LOT of Swedish in this one, so please bear with it. I will give the translations afterwards.

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Skwisgaar said goodnight to the rest of the band and headed off to the room he had told the roadies to talk to his newfound daughter.

_Daughter_. The word still sounded strange to him in his mind. Here he had been, thinking he took all the usual necessary precautions and it turned out he was locking the barn door after the horse had been stolen. It was ironic.

He knocked on the door and it oened for him as he stepped through. The doors in Mordhaus appeared to be old fashioned but in fact, they were motion sencored, like the kind you saw in grocery stores. The motion sencor could be turned off.

He stepped in and saw the girl over by the window, her back to him. Compared to her mother, as he remembered her, this girl was a pixie. Slender but not willowy, and smaller statured than anyone he was related to, even his own mother. She came up to just above his shoulders and her hair was as aple as flax silk. He figured if she straightened it, she would be able to sit on it.

He cleared his throat to let her know he was there and she turned and saw him.

"I's only comes here to find outs if you was my fathers. I only auditioneds for sometings to dos," she admitted. Her accent was his, her voice... well, that wasn't his, persay but it was about as deep in tone.

Skwisgaar saw her gig bag on the bed and noticed that it had a tag on the zipper. He walked over and read it.

Property of Skwisgaara Skwigelf.

So her name was Skwisgaara. Not Skwiska as she had at first told them.

"Skwiska is a nicknames. Peoples always thinks I lie when I tells dem my names."

Skwisgaar said nothing, just sighed and began thinking, remembering Fatty Ding Dongs and how much of a pain that had been. But she seemed a lot smarter than that stupid fat kid.

He patted the bed beside him and she walked over and sat next to him. Up close, her left eye was the same color as his, but her other eye was the palest blue, like Toki's. It was her mother's eye color. The shape of them were his to a T.

"I knows I looks a bit like yous. I tinks dat's why my mom's hates me," she said, smiling humorlessly.

"Pfft. Does she know you're heres?" he asked. He fully expected the answer to be "no".

"No. I comes to de America tos sees a friend and I hear abouts dis place and de auditions. Sos I comes."

Her english was atrocious, even worse than his at times.

Suddenly, a phone rang. They both jumped.

It was his Dethphone. He answered it and said, "ya?"

"_God dag är den här _skwisgaar skwigelf?"

Oh god, it was _her_.

He decided to switch languages for this one.

Figuring he may as well tell the truth because he could guess why she was calling, he said, "Ja_, vad vill du göra vilja? Jag har henne här."_

"_Du sända henne åsna rak hem! Hon hade inte min tillåtelse och hon överlagd inte lyda henne steg fader!"_

_"Här"._ he said, handing the phone to Skwisgaara. She rolled her eyes and took it, moving her ridiculously long hair out of the way. He didn't want to listen ot his old girlfriend scream at him.

"_God dag och god bye,. moder JAG icke gör det önskan till tala med du angående detta. All du någonsin auktoriserat inte här hem var ignorera jag , varför skulle du bekymmer var JAG dra ut vad JAG gör?_"

When speaking in Swedish, which for her was normal, her language improved 100 percent and she reminded him more than ever of himself. He listened to her argue with her mother and in doing so learned more about her than he cared to. Images of his own neglectful childhood came back to him and he felt slightly guilty for not being there for the girl next to him.

She listened for a moment and her expression darkened, becoming surprisingly not unlike Nathan's when he got super angry. Only she was blonde and a lot younger.

"_Så pass nästa är inte min fader tror du icke utmaning säga han er! Du bara gift honom för hans pengar och du veta den! Jag var bara den pantsätta , saken han filta ledsen för , icke gör det lek stum , JAG hörde du talande till din dum vän! Brunn nu Jag er med min verklig fader och om JAG någonsin gör komme igen den vilja bara bli till få min sakerna. JAG icke gör det önskan till tala med du någon mer. Vänta en postkort från London."_ and with that, she hung up.

Her eyes looked watery but she didn't cry. Skwisgaar suspected she was refusing to.

She handed him his phone back and Skwisgaar said, " "Expects a post card from Londons?" "

She sighed.

"After dis I was goingk to gos to Englands to bes wis my friends. I still plan on it," she said. Once again, she refused to look at him.

Figuring he may as well act the part, he pulled her into a loose side hug. What he did not expect was for her to hug him back. It was awkward. He had been oblivious to her existence for nearly 17 years and now she was hugging him... if it had been him in her position, he would have slugged himself by now.

Nonetheless, he was angry with that bitch. How dare she use this girl as a pawn?

From the doorway, Charles Ofdensen (having just received a very angry phone call from a very angry woman) and Toki Wartooth (having also received a very angry phone call) stood there and watched.

"I tinks she really is his daughters," Toki whispered.

Charles said nothing. This could be a problem.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!! Trannslations are as follows.

"_God dag är den här _skwisgaar skwigelf?"---"hello is this skwisgaar skwigelf?"

"Ja_, vad vill du göra vilja? Jag har henne här."_ ----"Yes, what do you want? I have her here"

"_Du sända henne åsna rak hem! Hon hade inte min tillåtelse och hon överlagd inte lyda henne steg fader!"----"_you send her ass straight home! She did not have my permission and she deliberatly disobeyed her step-father!"

_"Här"_--a form of "here"

_"God dag och god bye,. moder JAG icke gör det önskan till tala med du angående detta. All du någonsin auktoriserat inte här hem var ignorera jag , varför skulle du bekymmer var JAG dra ut vad JAG gör?_" ----very roughly translated because my translation site sucks. Translated , it means "good day and goodbye, mother, I don't wish to have words with you about this. All you ever did at home was ignore me, why would you care what I do or where I go?"

""_Så pass nästa är inte min fader tror du icke utmaning säga han er! Du bara gift honom för hans pengar och du veta den! Jag var bara den pantsätta , saken han filta ledsen för , icke gör det lek stum , JAG hörde du talande till din dum vän! Brunn nu Jag er med min verklig fader och om JAG någonsin gör komme igen den vilja bara bli till få min sakerna. JAG icke gör det önskan till tala med du någon mer. Vänta en postkort från London."_ --- "that bastard is not my father don't you dare say he is! You only married him for his money and you know it! I was merely the pawn, the thing he felt sorry for, don't play dumb, I heard you talking to your stupid friend! Well now I'm with my real father and if I ever do come back it will only be to get my things. I don't wish to speak with you any more. Expect a post card from london.

You'll find out more next chapter!!! Please review!!


	6. Minor setback

Hey, just to let you know firsthand, yes, Skwisgaara's mom is an abusive bitch, please don't review telling me what a bitch she is. Secondly, I know nothing about child custody laws and I don't care to research because, and I quote myself, I am a lazy fuck.

PLEASE REVIEW!!

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Charles brought Skwisgaar into his office after he was done with his daughter and, sighing wearily, pushed a few papers across the desk at him. They were papers that had just been faxed through to him from a certain Lavender Hendersson from Sweden.

Skwisgaar took them.

"Whats da hell is this?" he asked, skimming the lines.

"That is an unsigned lawsuit against you for kidnapping. I suggest you send that girl back to her mother right away," he said, breaking the bad news.

As was expected, Skwisgaar glared at the paper then scrunched it up into a ball.

What Charles did not expect was his reply.

"No."

"Excuse me?" he said, not sure he had heard right.

"No. I's not sending her back. Her mother is just like mine was and I won'ts bes de one who ignores her. She cames to dis place looking for me and I intend to be dere for her now," he said solemnly.

"I think that would be unwise considering those papers, Skwisgaar. Even though she came here of her own free will, she is still underage and that's all the courts would need in favor of her mother," Charles explained.

Skwisgaar pounded his fist onto the desk and glared at the manager.

"I don'ts care. She is my daughters and her mother is like mine was. Hateful and a slut. Has sex wis everyones, I's keepin her here!" he said angrily. He didn't care what that bitch did to him, he was keeping his daughter here. Even if it meant he had to take custody of her himself. He did not want his daughter to end up like he had, being kicked out of the house so her mom could screw the UPS guy or something.

He stared the Dethklok numbers guy down until finally he sighed and said, "very well. I will call this woman back and let her know of your decision."

"I wants custodys. Whatever you can dos, dos it!" he demanded. He stormed out, leaving Charles looking slightly confused but not displeased.

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He didn't know why he was so adamant about keeping the girl. Probably because he himself had never known his own father? He knew that sucked. And she was nothing like that fat bastard from before, fatty ding dongs. Personally he hoped being stranded on Dethklok's Home for Wayward Kitties had straightened his fat ass out.

If he had to go to court just to keep her, then that was what he would do.

He strode past a slightly surprised Nathan on his way to his bedroom and knocked on Skwisgaara's temporary bedroom door.

"Ja?" she called.

Skwisgaar went in and saw that she was sitting back in the desk chair with her guitar and was tuning it.

"I gots sometings to tell yous. Your mom, she faxed Ofdensen, dat numbers guy. She wants to sue mo for ten million for kidnappings you," he said.

The look on her face couldn't have been more shocked and outraged if someone had just admitted to drug-raping her.

"_Mammaknullare_!"

Skwisgaar nodded. He totally agreed. He was going to be a cool dad. None of that "no sweets before bed" and "no swearing" bullshit. He was going to be cool.

"I's not sending you back. Do you wants to stay here wis us or go home?" he asked.

She did not need to think, it seemed.

She put her guitar away and sat up straightter, leaning forward in her chair.

"I wants to stays here wis yous if dat's alright wis de others," she replied.

Skwisgaar smiled grimly.

"Goods. I is goings to fight her fors the custodys den so yous can stay here," he replied.

"Really?"

Skwisgaar smiled back and the thought of Lavender Hendersson rolling on the floor writhing in pain comforted him.

"Reallys."

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!!

the sweedish in here translates to motherfucker


	7. Band meeting

Hey, I'm just gonna jump right into it here, because it's past what time I should have gone to bed. I have work tomorrow. Please review!

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The next morning, Skwisgaar went down to his daughter's room and woke her up. She needed to be at band metings from now on, since she was technically a temporary member of Dethklok. Once his hand had healed enough, she would be out. For now, she was an asset.

She got dressed with him in the room, pulling on a pair of pants under her nightshirt and pulling another shirt over it, stripping under cover of her t shirt. It was an old camping trip he knew well. Get changed without flashing so much as a hint of skin.

He brought her down to the meeting room and saw that the others were already there. Charles Ofdensen stood at the head of the room, looking particularly grim. He saw Skwisgaara and his frown deepened somewhat.

"I have some um. Potentially bad news, Skwisgaar. I've been doing some basic math and you are only 28, correct?" he asked as Skwisgaar took a seat.

"Ya. Sos, who cares?" he said.

"Well, Skwisgaara is nearly 17. If my math is correct, you would have had to be 12 years old."

Skwisgaar stared at him pointedly.

No one said anything.

"Dear lord," Charles muttered, rolling his eyes.

Chuckling to himself, Skwisgaar leaned back in his chair and speared a piece of fish on his fork. Breakfast had already been served. He had lost his virginity at just barely thirteen years old. Just a day after his 13th birthday, in fact.

"My mums is nots comings here is she?" asked Skwisgaara.

"Well, she might have to, if your er... father wants to gain custody of you. Is that still your plan of action, Skwisgaar?" asked Chalres.

"What?" said Nathan, distracted. Of course, the rest of the band had been asleep when he had decided on this course of action.

"Yeah, when did this happen?" added Pickles.

Skwisgaar sat up straighter, all cockiness gone.

"My mom's was a slut. She is a sluts. And dis woman is toos, I hads no ideas. I's not sendings her homes after dis os over wis," he said.

"I believe what he is trying to say, is, he doesn't want to be another Serveta, am I right, Skwisgaar?" asked Charles.

"Dat's right."

"She's not gonna live here with ush though, right?" asked Murderface, who was spearing his sausage on an ornate dagger.

Skwisgaar had actually put some thought to this problem. There were plenty of empty guitar shaped towers scattered over various portions of Mordland, all fully furnished.

"She can stays in one ofs the towers," he said.

Charles nodded.

"Okay, good, I was gonna say. Gonna say, she can't stay in Mordhaus itself, that's for band members," growled Nathan.

"Well, Nathan, for all intensive purposes, for the moment, she _is_ filling in for the lead guitarist, so technically, she is a band member," Charles pointed out.

"Oh, whatever," Nathan growled.

"Hey, cool, we's never hads a girls in the band befores, dat's cool," said Toki offhandedly.

Skwisgaara smiled shyly, but Skwisgaar knew better. If she was anything like him at all, she was not shy.

Like father, like daughter.

He was _so _screwed.

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Later that evening, Skwisgaar moved her to the towers closest to Mordhaus itself, not far from the backyard where the band typically had their cookouts. It had a balcony and stairs leading up to the first floor, which was the ONLY floor. Each tower topped by a guitar only had one room with stairs leading up to various other rooms, but no actual floors.

She seemed to like it, anyway. This particular one was done in shades of blood red and black, shredded drapes as was typical of anywhere in Mordland and spiked furniture. Her bed was cool, though, Skwisgaar had to admit. A four post with shredded black curtains and a dragon skull framed in metalwork as a headboard.

He got her settled in there and returned to his band mates. Today was mostly for integrating their temporary replacement for him until rehersals the next day. She had to get used to the place before she would relax enough to play well.

Skwisgaar spent the day showing her around, using a souped up golf cart that looked more like a brutalized SUV than anything. He showed her wnhere the roadies slept when not working, where the medi unit was, where Mordhaus 2 was located (it was a slightly smaller version of the Mordhaus they lived in, but was actually used as more of a studio), everywhere, even the places intended for the stupid fans.

She smiled a bit when he told her about the time he and Toki had nearly murdered each other on the balcony of the Medi unit, but otherwise, she stayed pale and solemn. What would it take to make the girl smile for once?? She seemed so... serious for a 16 year old. Not giggly, not girly, not chatting on phones, not asking for things... just quiet and serious and sarcastic. How bad _was_ her home life, exactly???

He thought he could guess what he was going to feel like when she turned 17.

Old.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!! Going to bed now...


	8. Nick Ibsen show

Jumping into it here,

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The very next day at rehersal...

Skwisgaar watched from the sidelines as his daughter played in his stead, in sync with Toki and very mindful of the signals Nathan was giving her, to tell her when to start his solos. She didn't swirl her hair around like he did (it was too long anyway) but she did headbang now and then, throwing her whole body into it with the rythm of whatever song they were playing at the time.

Once rehersal was over, no one congratulated her, but Skwisgaar thumped her on the back as a way of saying good job.

They all headed down towards the conference room and once there met Charles Ofdensen with someone no one recognized. Then Charles introduced him and Skwisgaar understood.

"Guys, thi is... Nick Ibsen. What with the hiring of Skwisgaar's temporary replacement for the Holiday tour, he would like you to ah. Appear on his show later today," said Charles.

"Pfft. Whatevers," Skwisgaar shrugged. It was going to come out sooner or later that their "replacement" was his until-now unheard of daughter.

_Later_...

"We're back with arguably the greatest entertainment force in the history of the world, Dethklok. Gentlemen, you are the twelfth largest economy in the world and climbing, and yet you all re intensely private. LITTLE is known about your personal lives. Why."

They had all been brought to Nick Ibsen's studio and were live on the set. No one had told them this Ibsen guy was going to pry into their personal lives though.

Skwisgaar just sat there next to Pickles and folded his arms, bored. They wouldn't say anything and hopefully this Ibsen guy would get so pissed off and fed up he would go kill himself. THAT would be a show to record, thought Skwisgaar.

"Because," said Nathan, not really explaining anything.

There was a pause, Clearly, Ibsen thought they were a bunch of jackasses.

"Well, we at the Nick Ibsen show do pride ourselves on uncovering the... mo-"

"HEY douchebag! Why don't you drill a hole in your forehead and let all the sap run out?" interrupted Murderface, stabbing the table with the knife he carried everywhere. Skwisgaar chuckled. "Sap" reminded h im of maple syrup and he LOEVD maple syrup.

"For pancakes," he muttered.

"As intimidating as it is to interview such amazing entertainment figures, I nonetheless have a journalistic duty to un...cover... certain..." Ibsen paused and gave Murderface a wierd look. They all distinctly heard a zipper.

"Are you... urinating on my shoes?" he asked.

"Yesch I am."

Silence once more.

"Well, as I... said before, while met with resistance, we have a great surprise in store for you. We have uncovered something that you all have been desperately trying to hide."

At this point, Skwisgaar looked at Pickles and Pickles at him. Neither man knew what this dildo was talking about.

"In light of Skwisgaar's replacement guitairst for the Holiday tour coming up being his long lost daughter, tonight. You will all be reunited with your families."

A curtain backstage opened up, and Skwisgaar saw the one person in the world he hated more than anything. More than emos, more than the fans, more than Toki's decent guitar skills.

His mother.

"NooooOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! You're gonna pay for this!" growled Nathan, standing up. He was so outraged that he knocked his chair over.

"Pay for WHAT, journalistic integrity??" demanded Ibsen.

"William!"

Skwisgaar looked and saw the fat grandma in the wheelchair start wheeling towards them and on the way, the stupid wheel caught on several important cables. It sent one of the heat lamps flying and it decapitated Ibsen in an instant, covering them all in specks of blood.

Looking closer, Skwisgaar saw his daughter standing as far from his mother as she possibly could without disappeearing behind the curtain. He had never seen anyone look so depressed or sad.

_later in mordhaus_

"I'll never.. not be embarassed by my parents."

They were back in Mordhaus and they had had no choice but to bring the family along. It had been one hellish trip.

"I just want to climbs into a holes and not deals, you know? Right Toki?" said Skwisgaar, seated on the arm of one of the couches and playing his guitar unplugged.

Toki, it transpired, had decided to go into another diabetic coma and was unresponsive.

"What, you not talking to me now?" he demanded.

Skwisgaara sat on the chair itself beside him, her hands in her lap and her head bowed slightly. She looked both sad and furious. Mostly just sad. Why was her expression making his chest hurt?

"I know. I think we all just wish dose guys were dead. Maybe we should take'em out to dinner an' get'em off our backs," said Pickles.

"Ugh, you're right. So what do you feel like eating?" Nathan asked loudly.

No one replied.

"Burzums it is," said Pickles in a mock cheerful voice.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!


	9. Family values

THE CAKE IS A LIE

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The trip to Burzums was extremely uneventful, except for one factor. Pickles actually came up with a good idea.

They were all squeezed into one enormous booth, Skwisgaar sat next to his mother but was sitting as far away from her as was possible. His daughter was squeezed between them and she was sitting as close to _him_ as possible. He didn't blame her.

Nathan's mom was talking to him but Nathan wasn't having any of it. He put his head in his hands and covered his face. Skwisgaar got the feeling he was trying to hide the fact that he could blush.

"When is dis goings to bes over wis?" Skwisgaara whispered from the corner of her mouth.

"I don'ts know, but I hopes it is soon," he muttered back.

Murderface looked as if he had been lied to from birth; he and his grandmother could have been identical twins if not for the humongous age gap. He was blatantly ignoring his grandmother.

His mother leaned over and began running a fingernail over Nathan's Dad's chest and muttered somethign and Skwisgaar simply turned away and began trying to ignore it by focusing on his guitar. He noticed his daughter reach into a pocket of the black hoodie he had let her borrow (it was windy out) and pull out a video game. He guessed it was her way of ignoring people she didn't like.

Apparently, she didn't like her grandmother any more than he did.

"Aww, lemme outta here, I gotta pee pee," said Murderface loudly.

"Yeah me too," said Nathan, immediately uncovering his face.

"Me threes," said Skwisgaara.

"Ya, dat's for sure!" agreed Skwisgaar.

Skwisgaar laid his guitar on the table top and crawled out from underneath, avoiding looking at everyone's legs. He didn't feel like waiting for everyone to move. He saw a flash of pale white blonde and saw his dauughter following suit.

She followed them even into the men's bathroom. Apparently, she didn't care.

Frankly, neither did he.

Pickles and Murderface burst in first and Skwisgaar could hear him shoutinf from inside. He followed Nathan in and he immediately said, "what the FUCK!"

He immediately marched over to a urinal, turned his back on his daughter (and everyone else) and began urinating.

"This whole thing gives me a case of my stomachs throw up," he complained.

"Don't worry bout it, your mom scheems cool." said Murderface, pissing beside him.

Skwisgaar rolled his eyes.

"She was the most presqemines women's in Swden, has sex with everyone, pfft. Thanks, mom," he replied.

"And shes nots so nice, eithers. While we was waitings behinds de curtains, she says to mes dats I shoulds wear somethinks mores revealings. I's no slut!" said Skwisgaara from behind him. Skwisgaar nodded in agreement, but said nothing. Her accent was even thicker than his was.

No paid any mind that she was in the men's room.

"The fact that my parents had sex in order to create me, makes me want to be buried alive!" said Nathan from over by the mirror.

After a little deliberation, Pickles came up with his idea. They would throw money in their faces, give'em whatever the hell they wanted and when the weekend was over, they would ship them out of Mordhaus never to be seen again. That idea was fine by him.

He and Skwisgaara exchanged uneasy glances and he coudl tell they werethinking much the same thing.

You hold her and I'll punch.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!!


	10. Shooting the shit

Hey, sorry I haven't updaed lately, but that's what happens when you unexpectedly fall in love - you get distracted.

Anyways, on with my story.

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The families split up, and Skwisgaar only saw his band mates at nights, when they had mass family outings and when they had to argue over the vehicles.

Skwisgaar took his daughter and his mother to a salon, where his mother wanted to re do her hands, feet and hair. Skwisgaar expected Skwisgaara to join her, since she was a girl and quite pretty as far as his family went, but she refused and kept her mouth shut. She didn't talk much.

Next, he took them to an ice cream parlor where his mother craved chocolate. Skwisgaara refused point blank to let him pay for her peanut butter cone and instead took the cash out of a rather beaten trifold wallet. He caught a glimpse of the money inside. No credit cards and what she used for her ice cream was the last of cash she had.

They headed back to Mordhaus where they would meet up with the others and go mini golfing. They played card games where no one except the parents spoke. Serveta kept flirting with Mr. Explosion and Nathan repsonded to this by growling under his breath and glaring in an opposite direction.

He brushed his mother's rather coarse blonde hair and rubbed her feet (disgusting) and Skwisgaara ignored her. She did, however, have a tantrum when Serveta insisted on taking her to the mall and dressing her in clothes that made even Skwisgaar blush, and not just because she was his daughter. She screamed every single death threat in Swedish (he knew, he counted them all) and stripped right there, throwing all the clothes at Serveta and insiting in english that she was not her daughter and was not a slut and would NOT dress like one.

Skwisgaar conveniently forgot the sight of his daughter naked. Rather quickly, even for him, although that might have been because he asked Nathan to hit him in the head with anything blunt.

Finally, at long last, after an entire weekend of near torture, the day came for their parents to get lost. A week later, the Holiday tour would go on, and they would travel to Europe to run it to the ground where Skwisgaara would put her skills to the test onstage.

"Time to go, time to go, everybody out! Where's the folks, hahaha!" said Pickles, sounding somewhat manic.

It turned o ut the parents were in the recording studio, holding various instruments.

"We're gonna do a family metal album. Cause you owe me, Pickles," said Seth, Pickle's older brother, and at that point, his nerves already stretched thin, the drummer snapped. He began strangling his brother, mumbling incoherant strings of insults.

Skwisgaar had had enough, too.

"You wants to cools it or you'll have each others lunch for dinners?"

"You think you're brutal? Let me tell you billionaire lowlives something. There is nothing... NOTHING! More brutal and grotesque than raising children!" Murderface's grandmother shouted.

"You ruined my vagina!" accused Nathan;s mother Rose.

"I could never lose de weight after you were born. Now look at the veins in my bosom. They're like a road map of Stockholm!" hissed his mother, lowering her strapless dress and flashing her saggy, vein ridden breasts at them all. It was a sight he could have done without.

Later on, Nathan hit him in the head with an ash blackened chunk of wood and he forgot all about it.

However, their parent's brutal outburst had them all stunned, including, it seemed, Toki, who managed to blink and look puzzled despite his diabetic coma. Nathan's dad seemed the most pissed. He screamed the loudest.

In the end, they decided to record all of them screaming at the top of their lungs to be used later on their album that the Holiday tours was representing, _Cut throat Christmas._

Skwisgaar had never been so glad to see the back end of his mother's rental car.

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PLEASE REVIEW!!!


	11. Bloody fingers

I know I haven't updated in awhile, and if there are more typos than usual its because I'm on laptop and not a computer so sue me. Please review.

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They basically practiced until their hands bled.

Well, until Skwisgaara's hands bled, anyway.

They were playing a new song and it wasn't until they had hit the cover of his solo that he noticed the blood dripping from her fingers. The entire neck was drenched, staining the superb wood finish red.

"Stop, stop, stops!" he cried, cutting Pickles off by grabbing one of his sticks. He stopped playing with an outraged, "what the hell, dude?"

"Skwisgaara, her hands is bleedings. Takes a break, uh?" he said, pointing with one hand to his daughter, who had just noticed her blood drenched guitar.

"WHOA! ...Metal," said Nathan, stopping singing and glancing over at her.

"Hm. Whens dids dat happens?" muttered the blonde girl, studying her fingers closer and rubbing the blood between the pads of her fingers.

"Woa, blood fret… hey dat's a good song title, someone write that downs!" Toki exclaimed, looking around for paper.

Skwisgaar stripped his shirt off clumsily with one hand and handed it to her to wrap her fingers in. The two middle ones were bleeding rather badly and he hoped she wasn't too hurt to play during the tour. It was obvious from the fact they were bleeding at all that she wasn't used to playing so much.

She thanked him, sparing a quick glance at his naked waist which was quite bony and she wrapped her hand up in it long enough to sop up the blood. She removed the shirt after rubbing the majority of it off before sticking her fingers in her mouth and sucking the rest off. A small drop fell down her chin and her lower lip, making her look like some sort of vampire or something. It also maked her look incredibly sexy, although he would never say it aloud. She was his daughter and he was going to treat her accordingly.

She stopped sucking on her bleeding fingertips and wiped the blood off her mouth and examined them again. They were rubbed raw but it was nothing major. It seemed she had simply punctured the tiips on a piece of loose string up near the nut. (A/N: for you guitar illiterates out there, the nut is that piece of plastic up near the headstock that feeds the strings down to the bridge)

"Yeah, I'm... getting kinda hungry too, why don't we call it a day," said Nathan, sighing and setting his microphone down. He hopped offstage and Skwisgaara watched him go disinterestedly, still sucking on her bleeding fingertips.

She handed him his shirt back and he looked at the small bloodstains on it now. Blood stains were metal, what the hell. He pulled it back on, the stains coming to about his chest.

He followed the rest of his band mates off the stage and before his daughter could make her way out after them, his phone rang.

"Ja?" he said, answering it. Skwisgaara turned back and watched him.

"Mr. Skwigelf? This is Judge Marshalls, reminding you of your custody hearing tomorrow reguarding your daughter, Skwisgaara. Will you be there?" said a man's voice.

"Pfft. Ya, I'll be dere. Whats of it?" he replied.

"That is all I was calling to remind you of, Mr. Skwigelf. Good day," said the judge and he hung up.

Skwisgaar stuck his phone back on his belt and gave his daughter a glance.

"De court hearing abouts you is goings to be tomorrow. You be there with me?" he asked.

She shrugged and gave a noncomitted jerk of her head, which he took to mean yes, whatever.

"Sure. I isn't gots any nothing else to wears, though," she said, choosing her words carefully. God, her english was horrible. Even worse than his.

"Pfft. Den go shoppings," he said, waving an impatient hand at her. He dug into his pocket, tossed one of his credit cards at her and said, "go nuts."

He knew from her refusal in the ice cream parlor before that she wouldn't dare max it out anyway. She was one of those goody goodies with morals.

He left her behind in the studio, looking down at the little plastic card, her mouth open, her expression stunned.

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PLEASE REVIEW.


	12. Court hearing

Hey, all you regular jackoffs, I've been having some emotional trouble lately, but it's no one's fault but my own. It stems only from me not having the job to get money and the money from the job to get a car so I can see people... ah forget it. I have a job ligned up, hopefully (knocks on wood)

Getting to the point... here is an update to satiate your bottomless appetite for Dethklok.

DETHKLOK RULES!

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The very next day, Skwisgaar squeezed himself into the sidecar meant for him on the Murdercycle. Skwisgaara had no choice but to sit behind Nathan. He wasn't so crazy about it either.

He wore his usual outift, with one difference- he had done away with the skull belt buckle and instead wore no belt. Skwisgaara had done some late night shopping on his credit card and had bought only a couple weeks worth of outfits, nothing else. It was... strange. What teenage girl given a credit card didn't go nuts?

He could get used to this fatherhood thing. Not only was she manageable but she was independant. She had her immature obnoxious moments and her childish quirks (like her habit of saying random things at random times) but otherwise she was tolerable.

She wore a pair of knee high combat boots with skull buckles, a fishnet overshirt that she had zipped halfway and a black t shirt with the anarchy symbol on the front. She wore black pants with the Tripp logo on them. She obviously shopped at Hot topic.

She sat next to him behind the bench and out of the corner of his eye he caught his first sight of his old girlfriend for the first time in over a decade.

She had black hair she had streaked blonde for some reason, and it looked trashy. She was hideous! Nearly 300 pounds by the looks of it and all dressed in glitter and sequins, she had apparently applied her makeup with a garden trowel.

"My god... she looks like a street hooker," he muttered to his daughter, who merely glared at her mother. She lookednothing like the woman opposite them on the other bench. She had lighter blue eyes than he did and her hair was jet black. Her skin was more tanned and the only other resemblance he could make out besides her one light blue eye were her cheek-bones, high up but not ugly.

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AN HOUR OF PICTURES, DESCRIPTIONS AND ACCUSATIONS LATER...

"Has the jury reached a decision?" asked the judge.

Skwisgaar was in danger of falling asleep. He hated court herings like this. They were boring. Looking beside him at his daughter, he saw that she looked as enthused as he did. She was still glaring daggers at her mother. They had had a short but furious fist fight after an arguement had erupted abotu her treatment back home in Sweden, and the court guards had had to break them apart. She sported nothing but a red mark from where her mother slapped her, but her mother's makeup was smeared across her ugly ace and three bright red scratches bore witness to their fight. She was also forming a black eye.

He knew one thing. He did NOT want to get into a physical fight with his daughter. She looked like a pale, quiet serious sarcastic girl, but boy could she fight. Like a live wire.

The jury handed the guard an envelope and the judge took it out and read it.

He cleared his throat.

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PLEASE review. hahaha EVIL CLIFFIE


	13. Spirit of a Valkyrie

HOLY FUCK ON A POGO STICK OF DOOM batman, I haven't updated this in FOREVER... PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!

Anyway, here it is, the answer to the cliffie.

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The judge took it out, read it and cleared his throat.

"The jury finds Lavender Hendersson guilty of child neglect and awards custody to Skwisgaar Skwigelf. Court is adjourned."

There was a deafening scrape of benches and chairs and Skwisgaar gave his daughter a hug. Somewhere, a flash bulb went off, but he didn't care. He was a real dad, not a slut like his stupid mother and old girlfriend.

Speaking of his old girlfriend...

"_Nej! nej Hon er min dotter du kanna inte ta henne bort! JAG neka_!"

Three guards held the horendous fat woman back and she continued to slew Swedish insults at them.

Skwisgaara glared icy daggers at the woman and spat on her. The result was instantaneous.

Lavender pulled free of the guards and slapped the blonde girl so hard Skwisgaar heard her neck creak. She landed on the floor hard, but the minute she landed, she was on her feet again and way beyond pissed off.

She leeapt on her mother and began gouging at her face and slapping her around, all the while coming out with the most horrific cursewords she could think of. Even Nathan stared dumbstruck.

"_fasansfull hyndan!-- du fucking-- spänna hanen på --mumsa av! --du cum svala fuck mumsa av matta --slående --cunt!"_ It was a strange mix of Swedish and English.

Eventually Nathan had to pull the girl off her mother. He grabbed her round the waist and pulled her off, kicking and thrashing, her brilliant blonde hair choking the lead singer. He handed her to Toki, who besides Nahtan was the only one with the muscle to restrain her, and it wasn't until they were all out of the courtroom that Skwisgaar dropped her a wink and a smile. It was his way of saying good job.

Skwisgaara's face was brilliantly pink and her hair was desheveled, but she was otherwise none the worse for wear. Moments later her mother was escorted out by five uniformed guards and she looked terrible. Both her eyes were smudged so much by makeup that both of them were black and blue. There were deep gouge marks up and down both her cheeks and her neck and face were smeared in blood. She glared at them all with a black hatred.

"Wow... brutal," said Nathan appreciatevily.

Skwisgaara, completely disgusted with herself, pulled away from Toki and went on ahead to the murdercycle outside.

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Skwisgaar caught up with his daughter outside. She was already sitting on the back seat of the bike. Nathan cliumbed on in front of her and the rest of the band took their seats.

No one said a word until they got back to Mordhaus. Skwisgaara stormed off to her tower room without so much as a second glance.

Pickles lookeed at Toki. Skwisgaar looked at Nathan. Murderface shrugged.

"Hey, man, she'sh your daughter," said Murderface.

Skwisgaar looked off into the distance. Silently, he agreed. She certainly was. But she had the spirit of a valkyrie.

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PLEASE REVIEW!! I've been working on my invader zim fics for far too long... anyone who feels like it, check them out!! my biggest one so far is accidentally on purpose but I have 5 others./... check'em out!

_fasansfull hyndan!-- du fucking-- spänna hanen på --mumsa av! --du cum svala fuck mumsa av matta --slående --cunt!"_ --horrible bitch! you fucking cock muncher! you cum swallowing fuck munching carpet beating cunt!

"_nej! nej Hon er min dotter du kanna inte ta henne bort! JAG neka--_No!! No! She is my daughter you can not take her away! I refuse!


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